I saw his package. It spoke to me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
