Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
