i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
