i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
