I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's blow job season.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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