She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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