just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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