He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
