I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
