So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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