Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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