i don't like sucking hair
He kissed a someone with a penis
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
