im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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