the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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