No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
