I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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