I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
