onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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