You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
