i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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