You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
