God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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