R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was like eating out sand paper
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
