Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
