batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
