How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
