Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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