i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
