if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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