Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i believe in u and ur pee
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
