Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
