Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
