They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
