i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
