He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
