mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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