somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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