i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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