check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
