He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Two words: blizzard sex
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
