People with herpes should wear stickers.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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