remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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