he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
