The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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