Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
