Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
