Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
