He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am mentally ready for anal.
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