He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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