i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
