You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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